When I found out I was pregnant in 2012 I started house hunting with a view to buying. I wanted to put down roots for myself and the little baby that I was growing. :-)
I started looking at all the different options available to me but I seemed to always be stuck at the deposit. I strongly considered co-ownership, it seemed to be the only way I could make it all work.
When I spoke to my dad about what I was doing he didn't say very much. He's the best man I know but he's the silent type so you never really know how your news has been met. :-)
He contacted me a few weeks later to say that he had the deposit for a house set aside for me and each of my siblings. He had never had any idea what each "pot" would be used for but as the market changed over the years he started to realise that the "pots" would more than likely be used for house deposits.
To cut a long story short I was able to get a wee dream house using the money as the deposit. Amazing! Fantastic! That incredible gesture changed my life. It gave me the life I wanted for myself and my baby. It gave me a new start after a very rough few years. It brought me closer to my family after living over two hours away from them for years. It just seemed to bring everything together.
In the beginning I felt guilty. That was my parent's money. I have no doubt that they worked bloody hard for it. How could I take it off them?! I spoke to one of my friends at the time and she said "Even now, with that baby still in your tummy, is there anything that you wouldn't do for him/her?" When those words sunk in it sort of made sense and now that my little boy is here, they ring true all the more. I accept now that thank you isn't enough. I accept that I'll never be able to repay them but I also realise that's not why they did it - seeing their daughter and grandchild settled and happy is all they wanted out of it.
All of that aside, I feel eternally grateful, of course I do, but I also feel eternally indebted. I don't know that feeling this indebted is a such a great feeling though...
I'm trying to pick my words carefully here because as I said at the beginning of my post, this is not a rant. I don't want to sound ungrateful. I just don't know how to separate the two things - grateful and indebted. They're vastly different when you're living with them daily.
I've always been close to my parents and helped out whenever I could on the farm. Though, since the deposit, I now feel like I should be at their every beck and call. This isn't something that they've put on me. It's something I have put on myself. When they've mentioned needing a "wee helping hand, just whenever you have time" I've changed my plans immediately just so I could go and help out straight away.
I don't know how to move forward and feel eternally grateful rather than eternally indebted.
Has anyone else been in a similar position?
Any advice?
Any advice?
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