The loneliness. My baby boy is the best company! Even though he has me awake at 5am most mornings, the day seems to fly by and before I know it its 7pm and time for bed again. That said, when he goes to bed I can sometimes feel the loneliness set in. In order to stave it off that's when I normally throw myself into cleaning, cooking something to eat and paperwork. It means that I never really relax.
No other team players. Not so much now but in the earlier weeks/months I found it hard not having anyone to hand the baby over to. I found myself bathing at 2am on some occasions because I knew it would be my only opportunity. Sometimes my first proper bite of food would be midnight. People are very happy to talk about "helping" but what they really mean is they'll hold the cute baby while you bust a gut doing something else.
Now that my son is crawling and climbing up on everything, I find I can't take my eyes off him for two seconds. So once again I find myself longing for someone to be there just to keep an eye on him while I make him lunch/dinner etc. without worrying that he's swinging from the chandelier! ;-)
I also sometimes wish there was someone there to take their turn at getting up at 5am while I catch up on some much needed sleep. I have never lusted after anything, or anyone for that matter, like I lust after a full/long nights sleep.
Nobody to tell me I'm doing a good job. Ok, this one is a wee bit self indulgent but we all like to hear that we're doing a good job, don't we? After a tough day or long night its sometimes just the boost you need to hear to keep you going.
Sleep deprivation. This one is the b*t*h. There's a reason some countries have used this as a method of torture....it works! It affects how you think, how you feel and it makes you become someone that you don't recognise.
Nobody to share the amazing moments with. In quick succession my boy started to sit up unaided, then started to creep, then crawl and he's pulling himself up on the furniture now. He's doing a combination of baby led weaning and traditional weaning. He's about to move into his own room (I don't want to talk about it! lol) So many moments like these have passed by and each one has brought a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye. I couldn't be more proud of this little bundle. I don't miss my ex (not in the slightest), I don't miss that life and what it done to me but I do miss the notion of having someone there to dance around the room with me when my child has reached yet another milestone. Instead I phone family and close friends and they do a brilliant job of being just as elated as I am. :-)
How have you other single mothers found things?
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