Thursday, 24 October 2013

Spring cleaning my friends?

I thought when I got to my late 20s that I knew who my friends were, I thought that they would be my friends for life. I've learned that people change, both myself & others.
I'm a single mum of one. When I fell pregnant last year the reactions of some were a surprise. Some friends were over the moon for me, said they would be there to support me as & when needed. Others acted like it was the end of the world. Was it going to affect their lives in the slightest? I think not. I just put it down to them being shocked about the news & moved on. 
As the pregnancy progressed people I used to think of as good friends were withdrawing from me. Now that I couldn't get drunk & didn't want to go out partying I seemed to have lost my appeal. I had enough on my plate though so I swept it to the side, assuming those same friendships would come right in the end. 
When my baby boy arrived this year I got some cold, clipped congratulatory texts....basically just paying lip service to save face. 
Now my baby is 7 months old & those friendships haven't improved. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of being the one to put in all the effort. I'm sick of phoning to see how they are & having them not ask about my son in return. 
Just like I sometimes need to spring clean my house, I need to also spring clean my friendships & bin those that are no longer working. It's sad to turn my back on years of friendship but I refuse to waste my time on what is no longer working. Not to mention that if people couldn't be there for me during the biggest event of my life to date, well then they have no business being in my life at any other time. 
I wish them no ill will but it's time to move on & leave them behind.
Peace. 💋

@latte_fiend on Twitter

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

To my 16 year old self....

I was talking to a friend about an article I had seen in The Guardian from 2011, if memory serves me well. It was letters that celebrities had wrote to their 16 year old selves. Some were funny, some were touching, some were sad. 
It got me thinking about what I would tell my 16 year old self if the opportunity arose. I decided that if a celebrity could write themselves a letter, I could too. I thought it might be cathartic if nothing else. Below is my letter. 

Dear 16 year old me,
The things you're about to experience & go through...I'm jealous that it's still all ahead of you! :-)
Some of it will be amazing - memories that will stay with you & forever make you smile. Live in the moment & soak it all up. 
Some of it will be utter utter crap. You'll wonder why you're getting the shitty end of the stick but learn the lessons & move on, that applies to shitty people too. MOVE ON! It will all make you a better person, a more empathic person & that can only be a good thing. 
You'll go through a very dark period when you're much older. You'll wonder what you did to deserve this, how you went so wrong but stick with it. It will test your metal, prove that you're as strong as you think you are & the most amazing wee person is going to come out of it. He'll change your life forever (for the better) & suddenly the regrets you have about that chapter, they'll no longer be regrets. They'll be a means to an end, an amazing, fantastic end. Words can't even explain....
Trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, it IS wrong. 
Love people with your whole heart. Nothing else really matters at the end of it all anyway. Forgive & if you can't forgive then forget & move on. See the pattern?
Enjoy it, really really enjoy it, every inconsequential wee thing. It flies by so quickly & one day you'll be sitting writing a letter to your 16 y/o self realising just how quickly.

Love.  xxx

@latte_fiend on Twitter 

Monday, 7 October 2013

A new chapter

I am soon about to embark on a new chapter for myself & Little Man. We will no longer be living in rented accommodation, dealing with rubbish landlords etc. - we will be moving into our own home. :-D
The last 18 months have been an emotional rollercoaster. I learned a lot - about myself, about life, about moving on & letting go, about looking after number 1 first & about loving yourself. This final step is one towards a brighter future. No looking back, no dwelling on the past. It was a dark time in my life but something so so so amazing came out of it all, my son. For that I will always be eternally grateful. Here's to looking forward & enjoying each & every day. Let the chaos commence. :-) 

@latte_fiend on Twitter