That thing called love....

Today has been one of those days...

Wee man is cutting a back molar (I think) and goes from inconsolable to ticked off in the blink of an eye!

He's also at that stage where he's into everything, so on quite a few occasions today I've had to move him from something, tell him why I don't want him doing A, B or C ("please don't put your wee finger in the plug, you might hurt yourself") and then redirect his attention so it doesn't become his main focus. 

I put him down for his nap about half an hour ago and was rubbing his head as I do before he drifts off.

I just felt emotional out of nowhere and immediately thought "I hope he feels loved".

I don't know where it came from or why. I don't know why it hit me so strongly and with such force either.

This wee boy gets told a million times a day that I love him. I'm very affectionate and tactile with him. We spend as much time together as possible and I try to make every minute count, so when I'm having my saner moments (like now) I have no doubt that he feels loved. 

Though it does show you how one trying day (we all get them, right?) can attack your vulnerable side and make you doubt yourself. 

Have you ever had a moment like that? 

What I've Learned So Far

I'm a single mummy. Its the best job I've ever had, its rewarding and makes everything worthwhile but its hard. Its not all sweetness and light but then most parents have learned that little titbit, haven't they? :-)
While pregnant the label "single mother" scared me. Were people going to judge me? Were they going to think that I was someone that had messed up? Were other women going to think they were better mothers than me because they had managed to "keep their man"? Granted, a lot of the doubt was down to hormones but still, I'm sure I'm not the only single mother that thought those things.
My baby is 8 months old now and I've learned quite a few lessons so far. This is what this particular post is about.

No regrets. When I split from my ex I wished I had never met him, I regretted that I had wasted so many years of my life in an abusive, dysfunctional relationship. Then my baby boy was born and the moment I held him I instantly realised that the past is just that, the past, over, gone. I never need to repeat it. I've learned my lessons and I'm moving forward. I'll never get to the end of my days and think "I wish I had spent more time looking back".

A couple with a baby doesn't make them happier than me. I've met some mummies through baby groups etc. and some of them are miserable in their relationships, others are as happy as me. Its taught me that having an other half might make the load a wee bit lighter at times but it doesn't make their "happy tank" any fuller than mine.

Not all families look the same. I've always known this but being a single mummy brings it to the forefront. Baby boy and I are still a family, a unit. I'm glad that things have changed so much over the years. As my son grows older he will be able to look around and realise that families are all very different - 2 mummies, 2 daddies, different nationalities, races, 1 mummy or 1 daddy. I'm not saying the nuclear family is bad - I'm just glad that there are many different variations now.

Trust my instincts. People offer lots of well intentioned (but often uninvited) advice when you have a new baby. Everyone seemed to want to offer me advice, even though it was the last thing I needed. The baby thing has always been easy. I've worked in childcare for 15 years so a newborn baby didn't worry me. Though, when you have just given birth your hormones are raging, you're running on adrenaline but you also feel quite vulnerable. Because of this, the "advice" started to make me question the decisions I was making. Maybe I was doing things incorrectly? I had a moment during a night feed and decided that from then on I would smile sweetly when offered advice & then do things the way I wanted to. There aren't many people that I trust as much as I trust myself. :-)

How to be frugal without being miserable. I have to be smart with my money for obvious reasons but I've learned to make it go quite far without having to be miserable. Only buying what I need, making lists and only buying what is on the list, freezing the food I can't use before their date, batch cooking etc. I'm still learning. :-)

I'm extremely proud of the job I'm doing. I have a baby who is happy and more loved than he could ever imagine. We're just at the beginning of our story but I look forward to the next page.

 

What are your thoughts and experiences?

 

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