Spring cleaning my friends?

I thought when I got to my late 20s that I knew who my friends were, I thought that they would be my friends for life. I've learned that people change, both myself & others.

I'm a single mum of one. When I fell pregnant last year the reactions of some were a surprise. Some friends were over the moon for me, said they would be there to support me as & when needed. Others acted like it was the end of the world. Was it going to affect their lives in the slightest? I think not. I just put it down to them being shocked about the news & moved on. 

As the pregnancy progressed people I used to think of as good friends were withdrawing from me. Now that I couldn't get drunk & didn't want to go out partying I seemed to have lost my appeal. I had enough on my plate though so I swept it to the side, assuming those same friendships would come right in the end. 

When my baby boy arrived this year I got some cold, clipped congratulatory texts....basically just paying lip service to save face. 

Now my baby is 7 months old & those friendships haven't improved. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of being the one to put in all the effort. I'm sick of phoning to see how they are & having them not ask about my son in return. 

Just like I sometimes need to spring clean my house, I need to also spring clean my friendships & bin those that are no longer working. It's sad to turn my back on years of friendship but I refuse to waste my time on what is no longer working. Not to mention that if people couldn't be there for me during the biggest event of my life to date, well then they have no business being in my life at any other time. 

I wish them no ill will but it's time to move on & leave them behind.

Peace. 💋

@latte_fiend on Twitter
 

 

To my 16 year old self....

I was talking to a friend about an article I had seen in The Guardian from 2011, if memory serves me well. It was letters that celebrities had wrote to their 16 year old selves. Some were funny, some were touching, some were sad. 

It got me thinking about what I would tell my 16 year old self if the opportunity arose. I decided that if a celebrity could write themselves a letter, I could too. I thought it might be cathartic if nothing else. Below is my letter. 

*********

Dear 16 year old me,

The things you're about to experience & go through...I'm jealous that it's still all ahead of you! :-)

Some of it will be amazing - memories that will stay with you & forever make you smile. Live in the moment & soak it all up. 

Some of it will be utter utter crap. You'll wonder why you're getting the shitty end of the stick but learn the lessons & move on, that applies to shitty people too. MOVE ON! It will all make you a better person, a more empathic person & that can only be a good thing. 

You'll go through a very dark period when you're much older. You'll wonder what you did to deserve this, how you went so wrong but stick with it. It will test your metal, prove that you're as strong as you think you are & the most amazing wee person is going to come out of it. He'll change your life forever (for the better) & suddenly the regrets you have about that chapter, they'll no longer be regrets. They'll be a means to an end, an amazing, fantastic end. Words can't even explain....

Trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, it IS wrong. 

Love people with your whole heart. Nothing else really matters at the end of it all anyway. Forgive & if you can't forgive then forget & move on. See the pattern?

Enjoy it, really really enjoy it, every inconsequential wee thing. It flies by so quickly & one day you'll be sitting writing a letter to your 16 y/o self realising just how quickly.

Love.  xxx

@latte_fiend on Twitter 

A new chapter

I am soon about to embark on a new chapter for myself & Little Man. We will no longer be living in rented accommodation, dealing with rubbish landlords etc. - we will be moving into our own home. :-D

The last 18 months have been an emotional rollercoaster. I learned a lot - about myself, about life, about moving on & letting go, about looking after number 1 first & about loving yourself. This final step is one towards a brighter future. No looking back, no dwelling on the past. It was a dark time in my life but something so so so amazing came out of it all, my son. For that I will always be eternally grateful. Here's to looking forward & enjoying each & every day. Let the chaos commence. :-) 

@latte_fiend on Twitter 

Time to lose this baby chub

I lost a lot of weight prior to conceiving. I was finally happy with what I seen in the mirror. I wasn't skinny but I was comfortable in my own skin. Go me!

I got pregnant, ate healthily through the pregnancy & I was determined that the only weight I would put on would be actual baby weight.

He was born & my goals changed. I was so preoccupied with my little boy. I'm a single mum & I was determined to prove I could do the job & do it well. There was never any doubt from anyone, I just got it into my head that I had something to prove. 

The weight has slowly crept back on & I'm so mad at myself. I knew it was happening but I was complacent. All I cared about was my baby.

Now I'm back to an unhappy place with what I see in the mirror. The weight has to go & it starts here. 

Any recipes, advice would be very gladly received! :)

@latte_fiend

Creating bad habits.

When you are expecting a baby you get polluted with do's & dont's. Since having my son, the one quote that I repeat to myself over & over again is "Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticised anyway" (Eleanor Roosevelt). 

For one thing, I occasionally co-sleep with my baby - if he's particularly restless, teething etc. Sometimes a baby just wants to feel security! Don't we all? 

People are entitled to raise their children how they see fit. I personally lean towards attachment parenting. Some people raise their eyebrows, tell me I'll end up with a spoilt baby, a mummy's boy, blah, blah, blah. Since when was being well loved the equivalent of being spoilt? Since when did people think they had the right to offer a running commentary on my parenting skills/techniques? People have forgotten how to filter what travels from the brain to the mouth. 

Recently Tesco was having Twitter Q&A with Sarah Ockwell-Smith (@TheBabyExpert). She took the time to respond to my questions (long after the Q&A session) had ended & she has only strengthened my knowledge that I'm doing nothing wrong, nor am I putting down the foundations for parenting issues when baby is a little older. 

She pointed me in the direction of a few interesting articles which I very much enjoyed reading so I'll include the links here. 

http://m.essentialbaby.com.au/baby/caring-for-baby/beating-bad-habits-gradually-with-love-20130826-2skqm.html

And

http://www.kindredcommunity.com/2012/09/does-time-magazine-have-er-attachment-issues-by-robin-grille/

As long as babies are fed, loved, clean, warm etc. do we really need to get bogged down in judging each other? Surely we're all just trying to do our best & what works for us & our little ones. 

@latte_fiend on Twitter. 

Sleep deprivation

I think sleep deprivation is one of the hardest things I've dealt with while being a single mum - the having nobody to share the night shifts with. 

Sprout will sort his sleep routine out, sleep through for a while, allow me to become accustomed to it then BOOM it's all over.  :-) 

Just recently he has taken to rolling back to front while sleeping. He finds himself on his tummy, has a meltdown about not wanting to be there & then it takes ages to settle him again. He cannot roll front to back just yet so it's a mummy job every time. I'm assuming its something I'm going to have to ride out but boy am I exhausted. 

I'm off to drink a litre of coffee & hope for the best. :-)

@latte_fiend on Twitter

It's just the beginning...

I'm a single mummy to THE cutest little 5 month old boy.
I know a lot of blogs are about gaining followers etc. If this happens at some stage, great. If not, well I'm using this as somewhere to put my thoughts & feelings. I think it will be interesting to look back in a few months (or years!) and see how far I have come as a person.
As I said, I'm a single mummy. When I found out I was pregnant I was in the process of splitting from my ex. It's a long story but he was bad, bad, BAD news. He decided that parenthood wasn't for him & so it's just me & the gorgeous one on this wonderful but crazy rollercoaster called parenting. :-)
Before I gave birth I panicked about so many things. Would I be enough for Sprout? Would I cope financially? How will I manage without having someone there to lend a hand? So many things! I gave birth & while its been hard at times, I've done it! We have our routine. We take each day as it comes & I've adopted the attitude that as long as we're both fed, clean, loved, warm & dry then everything else will be a breeze....hopefully. :-)  If the cleaning has to wait because we're having a cuddle day then it waits. Simple as that. It doesn't mean I live in squalor, don't worry. ;-) It just means that I've prioritised & housework isn't top of that list. There will be plenty of time to be a Suzy Homemaker but I'll never get this time with Sprout back again, so I know what I chose! :-)
That's all for now...x

@latte_fiend on Twitter